Spring madness
Friday, May 02, 2008
Written: Friday morning, 4:00 AM
Have spent the past four days in a state of lost confusion and panic. Frantic emails, Skype chats all afternoon with hourly updates, ringing phones. And all of this for a very small role in getting Jordan's partners to the MENA Symposium - which didn't help soothe my nerves with having our own event coming up in 27 days. Tick tock, tick tock. I have spent half a year working on this and as the final product comes together, I feel more on the edge than I have ever been. I can't seem to wrap my head around anything at all.
The days spent in Damascus have left me longing for more - I almost went to the Embassy to get another visa for the weekend. Everyone says the haze of Damascus fades but I can hardly wait to go back, even for a day.
I have about 45 days left before I go back home to start a new(?) chapter. My life has come full circle right now. Opportunities I would have applied for or would have killed to get two years ago are now being offered. A part of me feels flattered..the other: more conscious than ever that the decision I am taking to go back home is the right one. Dhruv's recent blog post (a must read, btw) is a scary reminder of how close I was to going down the same road. I read and re-read it again and again, it was like an eerily accurate description of my own state of my mind at some crucial points this year, down in black and white.
I am glad for the stabilizing influences in my life, the sometimes slow and painful process of trying to understand why I need to do this, but every time I think about going back home: I smile, I can't wait to be understood (literally, and not so literally) and no longer irrelevant in the bigger picture. Even watching Gossip Girl makes me miss home - we have our very own text messaging network that I will finally be able to respond back to now, unfettered by expensive int'l text messaging rates.
--
Update: Saturday night, 11:00 PM
Back from Aqaba for Labor Day weekend! Aqaba was hellishly crowded - and reminded me more and more of Karachi, especially the incredibly kind hospitality of the Momani household and the boat ride on the Red Sea. Aqaba will always be one of my favorite places ever. Can't wait to go on a trip - replete with the most awesome seafood ever and the craziness of friends - at home soon!
Have spent the past four days in a state of lost confusion and panic. Frantic emails, Skype chats all afternoon with hourly updates, ringing phones. And all of this for a very small role in getting Jordan's partners to the MENA Symposium - which didn't help soothe my nerves with having our own event coming up in 27 days. Tick tock, tick tock. I have spent half a year working on this and as the final product comes together, I feel more on the edge than I have ever been. I can't seem to wrap my head around anything at all.
The days spent in Damascus have left me longing for more - I almost went to the Embassy to get another visa for the weekend. Everyone says the haze of Damascus fades but I can hardly wait to go back, even for a day.
I have about 45 days left before I go back home to start a new(?) chapter. My life has come full circle right now. Opportunities I would have applied for or would have killed to get two years ago are now being offered. A part of me feels flattered..the other: more conscious than ever that the decision I am taking to go back home is the right one. Dhruv's recent blog post (a must read, btw) is a scary reminder of how close I was to going down the same road. I read and re-read it again and again, it was like an eerily accurate description of my own state of my mind at some crucial points this year, down in black and white.
I am glad for the stabilizing influences in my life, the sometimes slow and painful process of trying to understand why I need to do this, but every time I think about going back home: I smile, I can't wait to be understood (literally, and not so literally) and no longer irrelevant in the bigger picture. Even watching Gossip Girl makes me miss home - we have our very own text messaging network that I will finally be able to respond back to now, unfettered by expensive int'l text messaging rates.
--
Update: Saturday night, 11:00 PM
Back from Aqaba for Labor Day weekend! Aqaba was hellishly crowded - and reminded me more and more of Karachi, especially the incredibly kind hospitality of the Momani household and the boat ride on the Red Sea. Aqaba will always be one of my favorite places ever. Can't wait to go on a trip - replete with the most awesome seafood ever and the craziness of friends - at home soon!
Labels: future, jordan journal, photos, random musings
posted by saba at 3:56 AM, | 
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