Saba Imtiaz: Everyday is a winding road..

Being LCP means that you can never be angry or tired or depressed and even if you are people will never care and you will be questioned about things you said when you were in a bad mood, but noone will ask you why you were in a bad mood in the first place.

I was walking with Delia from their apartment to the main road yesterday afternoon, and we started talking about living in Karachi. I've always said that living in Karachi can prepare you to deal with everything - we're fiercely independent, stubborn and constantly running to get somewhere. Karachi is a melange of cultures - everyone speaks a different language, originally belongs to a different part of the country, and follows different religions and sects.

I've lived in Karachi since 1995. Being a Karachiite is a part of my personality now. Everytime I leave the city, the minute I arrive this incredible relief at finally being home takes over..

I thought I'd had tough days as a LCP. I'd felt depressed/alone/unhappy/confused. I'd gone to a conference feeling incredibly depressed. But nothing prepared me for today's OCP Recruitment elections. Two great candidates, great applications, good presentations, who answered the incredibly intense Q&A session with calm confidence.

Sharmeen, Rabia and I sat together, staring at each other and trying to convince each other that we needed to make a decision as individuals..had there not been a time limit on ballot submission, I'd probably still be in that room, deliberating..

Congratulations Saher, OCP Fall Recruitment '06 :) I know you're going to do a great job - and you proved that today!

Ever since I've started working as an RJ, I've been thinking about this song. I loved it when it first came out..downloaded it again last night..

The Corrs - Radio

It’s late at night, and I’m feeling down...

There are couples standing on the street
Sharing summer kisses and city sounds...

So I step inside, for a glass of wine.
With a full glass and an empty heart,
I search for something to occupy my mind...

But you are in my head, swimming forever in my head,
Tangled in my dreams, swimming forever...

So I listen to the radio (listen to the radio)
All the songs we used to know (listen to the radio)

So I listen to the radio (listen to the radio)
Remember where we used to go

Now its morning light, and it's cold outside,
Caught up in a distant dream I try
And think that you are by my side...

So I leave my bed, and I try to dress,
Wondering why my mind plays tricks
And fools me into thinking you are there

But you're just in my head,
Swimming forever in my head,

Not lying in my bed, just swimming forever...

So I listen to the radio (listen to the radio)
All the songs we used to know (listen to the radio)

So I listen to the radio (listen to the radio)
Remember where we used to go

I listen to the radio (listen to the radio)
All the songs we used to know (listen to the radio)
I listen to the radio (listen to the radio)
Remember how we used to go

You are in my head, swimming forever in my head
Tangled in my dreams, swimming forever (swimming forever)

Swimming forever...

So I listen to the radio (listen to the radio)
All the songs we used to know (listen to the radio)

So I listen to the radio (listen to the radio)
Remember where we used to go

I listen to the radio (listen to the radio)
All the songs we used to know (listen to the radio)

I listen to the radio (listen to the radio)

Hmm. I've realized - over the course of the past few weeks where I've been spending more time at home - that my morning usually goes like this:

• Wakeup at whatever hour the phone rings, with random text messages like "Do you have a white dupatta? (scarf)" or "Are we supposed to come for the ER meeting today?" (The meeting was the week after - note to self: get EB's eyes checked!)
• Look at self in mirror. Realize that if anyone from AIESEC were to see me right now they would probably not recognize me with glasses and unstraightened hair.
• Check email. Dozens of problems have arisen. Dozens of chain emails where people are making fun of each other. I love the latter ones.
• Open Google Calendar and marvel at own over efficiency at completing everything on deadline. Realize that these days that doesn't matter to anyone and wish I could be as unbothered.
  
• Chat with whoever is online - most mornings these days its Nic, Kurt, Nicole, Sharmeen, Rabia and Sohaib (Thanks for the German lesson yesterday, Nicole ;) )
• Sift through AIESEC.net email. Download 20 new documents and promise self that will read them soon.
  

And yesterday, I cut three fingers because a bottle of Diet Coke broke in my hand. And now looking at my hand scares me..

And today - exactly 20 minutes after I was talking to Nida and she told me she wasn't expecting to get on the CC for IC - Emad texted me to tell 'nida got cc!!' - CONGRATULATIONS babe! =)

I found this from the archives of my personal blog. Its a quote from a book I have long forgotten, Awakening, by Pir Vilayat Anayat Khan.

But to fall back upon the comfort of the past, rather than move forward into the future, is to miss the rare cosmic opening that occurs in the flash of time between the past and the future in which it is possible to begin a new chapter in the evolving story of humankind.

And with Tori's farewell letter...it has finally hit me that she's leaving.