Saba Imtiaz: Everyday is a winding road..

I'm listening to Wonderwall on repeat, sparked by the memory of the fantastic morning plenary at IC when AI played this, and everyone, yes everyone, sang along :) while I'm working to prepare documents that need to be sent to the Board, scheduling deadlines and meetings and catching up on what the rest of the non-AIESEC world is upto through my fantastic Karachiite Bloggers network. I'm so happy right now, its scary.

Funny moment from this week..
..walking into the uni parking lot and realizing that everyone around me was from the LC! It was quite creepy, we could've had a GBM right then and there! :)

'..and after all..you're my wonderwall..' :)

Walking back from university, and passing by 70 Clifton, where Murtaza Bhutto left his house one day, and never returned - it made me think about how prepared can you be for a loved one leaving you? Over the years since my mother died, I have had hundreds of conversations with people who lost their parents. Some of us saw our parent(s) die within days or weeks - and were somewhat mentally prepared for the eventuality. Some of us said goodbye as we did everyday as we left our house, and received a phone call in the middle of the day. Some of us were hundreds of miles away and couldn't travel back to say goodbye.

Life is difficult. There will always be an element of regret, even guilt involved.

However, there will always be the happy memories, and sometimes, even that is enough to spend the rest of your life with.

Today was the first day in more than a month that I have lost my cool this way and actually felt my blood pressure shooting up. That scares me.

The good news is - I know what causes it.
The bad news is - there is no way to resolve it, or make it go away.

Today,
I ran one of the toughest meetings imaginable. Accountability is a two-way street. And while its something I feel most passionate about, its tougher in practice than it is in principle.

Today,
I wished I could have talked to you afterwards. I really do miss you.

Today,
I miss all my LCP friends. I am so thankful for the online LCPs network that I have - but its a different feeling talking to them while sitting on a sidewalk in the rain or in the middle of a crowded dance floor.

Today,
I reminded myself through my radio show how listening to and sharing great music, can make your day a little bit brighter.

Today,
I am a happier person, because my team understood.

Today,
I am not scared of the future anymore.

It is 2:50 AM.

I have had an incredibly intense meeting today, with our LBoA member. The past six months have been reviewed and I now - can very clearly see - what role I need to play in the next six to ensure that our goals and targets are met.

I am still typing out the minutes, and every word I write is a reflection of what mistakes I have made, and what I can do to rectify them and create synergy between my personal drive for the organization and our goals.

I am reminded of the words - every day starts today.

I will achieve everything I am putting down as followups and action steps. I WILL.

I will let the numbers speak for themselves. I will not complain about situations that cannot be changed. I do not have the energy or the time anymore to invest in these things.

I will evolve, empower and excel. I WILL. It will happen. These are not just words. This is my promise to myself, to the Board, to the organization.

There is a reason why I am here today. I will not let everyone down. I will not let myself down.

I will never go to sleep again thinking - 'what a waste of a day that was..'

For me - every day starts today. Today.

Name: Saba Imtiaz

Age: 21

Location: Karachi, Pakistan

Nationality: Pakistani

Religious background: Sunni Muslim

Current occupation: Local Committee President - AIESEC Karachi / Student / Radio Jockey / Freelance writer

The thing I love the most about Ramadan: Spiritual sacrifice. Something I've never been good at; so its quite a challenge..

The hardest/most annoying thing about Ramadan: Not being able to go to restaurants for lunch, since they're closed during fasting hours - its annoying when you're not fasting, and its unfair to everyone who isn't or is of a different religion.

What I want to get out of Ramadan this year: Try and make an effort to fast, unlike last Ramadan.

My best Ramadan memory: My first fast, when I was seven or eight years old. My mom made enormous amounts of food for Iftar - it was celebrated as quite a happy occasion! :)

I've had some rather intense conversations today. I think recruitment is always a very interesting time, because everyone starts thinking with multiple perspectives, and the conversations and debates that follow have always made me leave the room with a better and more open understanding of the organization. What applicants have to say, when asked about what they perceive AIESEC to be, is yet another eye opener. Some of them are so well-prepared, you know they went through the entire website. A few are clueless. And then they are those who believe in the vision - and thats why they're sitting there in front of you. And at the end of the day, that vision, and that promise, is why we're really here, right?


I went through the presentation I gave at my LCP election today. I have achieved - or am on the road to achieving - everything I set out to do. But, there are so many things that still remain to be done - its interesting how much your role changes and how many new goals you set - either due to circumstances or from the committment of the people around you.


AN, if you're reading this - I really miss you. I thought about our conversation this evening for a very long time, and I wish I was there to give you a hug. I know how tough it is to be in this situation, because I felt exactly the same just a few months ago. Things will get better soon :)


I went through every single IC picture today. I have also realized, in the past week, that I have absolutely no recollection of the WENA party, except the first 30 minutes. I've been told a number of stories, which I have no memory of either. Bet thats why I overslept for the first time at IC.


Am off to bed. Have 3 meetings tomorrow, and I need to be somewhat alive and alert for them.

A little over six months down the road..

..we've come a long way.

I know the world is really a small place because of AIESEC..

..because today I wore an AIESEC UK shirt to a round of interviews for members for AIESEC Karachi's recruitment and our first interviewee knew about AIESEC because a Pakistani friend of his was a member in AIESEC Cyprus and is now on an AIESEC traineeship in Poland, where I was exactly two weeks ago.

This may seem really cheesy, but it somehow reminds me of the six degrees of separation theory.

Interesting conversation with Sharz today. We were in the library on a Friday afternoon - rare for both of us (to be in the library and that too on a Friday!)


Me: Look Sharmeen, everything can't always be perfect. Just look at IC - they'd have trouble getting presentations to play in the morning. If things can get screwed up at an international conference, its not so bad if things aren't always perfect..
Sharz: I guess..I realized that when we started late at the last group discussion. I was SO pissed..
Me: I have become more calmer now. I don't look like it, but I generally feel more at peace..

My cell phone buzzes. Text message from Taha: Where are you? My reply: Library

Me: Why is Taha asking me where I am?
Sharz: Maybe you had a chat scheduled with him?
Me: Did I? I'm sure I would've remembered..anyway, I'm not God! I can forget things sometimes too.

Sharz collapses into fits of laughter, sure that I have missed my meeting with Taha.

Taha walks in....absolutely out of breath and looking happy, who was looking for me to share some rather good news..

After Taha left, and as Sharmeen and I beamed..

Me: So as I was saying, everything works out and you need to be calm inside..

The past few days have been spent in a frenzy of writing emails, meetings, completing overdue work, meeting friends and family..
..falling sick, going to the graveyard, spending time alone writing..

Everyone asks me about how IC was. I find it hard to sum up such an intense experience in 2 sentences. The familiarity of walking into plenary and talking to people from all around the world, of the constant exhaustion that seemed normal, of the absolute disconnect from the world (what day is it? - i don't know! its day 4, and thats all I know! - a familiar refrain)

I just reread an email I wrote on July 15th and never sent. I took the easy way out, and said half of the things in person, glossing over the sadness that I can see reflected in the words I wrote. Though a couple of lines stand out clearly - I wrote - "And I have started looking at other people for that professional motivation because I don't want to wait seven days for someone to hear me out." And thanks to IC, that has really happened.

Thankyou - you know who you are.

I don't think I've been this happy in months. Perhaps this is what making a decision I should have made long ago does. Everyone says there's always this one defining moment when you know you've had it. The memory of my defining moment will stay with me forever.

I can't believe that 6 months of my term have already passed. It feels like centuries ago, yet I still remember every moment and the accompanying highs and lows, the laughter and the tears, and the memories of the amazing members who have made this experience everything I hoped for and more. :)

As recruitment happens (this is the 3rd one!!), I am reminded of how this time next year, I will not be in the LC anymore. Its a scary thought, and I know there is still so much that I want to and have to do, but I also know what I personally want to do with my AIESEC career after my term ends. And yes, I have started telling people, but only those who have asked. I don't feel like spamming it out to the world yet. I'll probably blog about it when the time comes nearer, and there are butterflies in my stomach.

Sighhh.

From BBC Radio Five Live:

We'd like to hear from bloggers and podcasters on next week's segment as we look at the 5 year's since the September 11th attacks. We want your thoughts on the event and where we go from here in trying to combat terrorism. The more personal the better: what it means to you, your community, your nation. You can leave a voicemail here (accept the security message when it pops up) or email upallnight@bbc.co.uk If you'd like to suggest a blogger or podcasters to talk to leave a note in the comments.

For every LCP I know, and anyone who's been handed LCP work to do in their absence (Taha and Sharmeen - what say? ;))

And when I sent this image out to Sharz, my sister and my friend ambreen via email this afternoon, this is what I got back:

My room :)

I smiled all the way back home, through the two stages of the 8 hour journey (3 hrs to Istanbul, 5 to Karachi)

I wanted to dance through the Istanbul airport :)

A chapter in my life closed two days ago, that I only realized as I walked in the rain in the morning, after saying goodbye to two of the amazing people who made being at IC such a great experience.

7 months of doing everything I could to make this LCP term a bit easier. I guess it was just too much to hope for.

7 years later - someone had the nerve to speak to me that way again. And that just really, really did it for me.

What will I be doing in 2007? To be honest - I have no idea how things will work out. I'm still figuring out my plans - but I'd really like to say thankyou to everyone who I have spoken to at IC about my future in AIESEC - whether it was during a break from jiving at parties and other IC events or sitting in the rain waiting for pizza or just plain old whining sessions. You have all - in your own way - left a huge impact on me.

And in other nomadic reflections..

..my luggage is literally strewn around in every corner of the room.
...I have realized I just cannot sleep during a flight.
....you know you're exhausted when you yell out to a friend knocking on the door in the morning to say goodbye - "noone's here!!"
....according to the time difference, it is 2:30 AM in Poland right now and I should be DANCING! I need conference re-integration!

what day is it
and in what month
this clock never seemed so alive
- lifehouse: you and me

someone said something yesterday that made the whole next year very clear - its surprising how just one line can change the way you thought about a distant dream.

and to you - thankyou. you have no idea how much just being able to talk to you has been so helpful.