Saba Imtiaz: Everyday is a winding road..

The past two days have been incredibly __ i don't know what adjective to put here. I don't think a word has been invented for the way I feel right now.

It started from looking up from reading law texts to the monitor, to see the email with the news - Pakistan's eligible to apply for full membership status at IPM '07..

..almost a year from the conference where a bunch of sleepy, caffeinestarved, - and amazingly passionate young AIESECers created a vision on a cold day in Karachi, sitting cross legged in a classroom that had temporarily been converted to a conference track room.

Post-exam, I checked my email - to find one to the Survivors, from Geet - asking for an update on everyone's plans for the year.

I replied back with my news.

The replies I have gotten back have left me so - inspired, happy, emotional - that I can't find words to describe how lucky I am to know such amazing people.

After all the conversations, tears, laughter -
- the discussions at IC -
- the paradigm shift in thought processes -
the time has come.

I am applying for MCP of AIESEC Pakistan for 2007 - 2008.

:)

There are so many people I want to thank for being there for me in the past couple of months - and I know that one day I will be able to put down into words how much it means to me that they are always there, a text message, a phone call, an email away...

..but for today: thankyou Puneet and Nicole :)

Some of the funniest moments of my week..

Making a version of 'In the jungle, the mighty jungle' with Sharz and Mikaal..my favorite lines:

'in the auditorium, the cold auditorium, the students cheat tonight..'

'on the street, the dark street, the Swiss party tonight..'

(my campus buildings are separated by a street that is home to the Swiss and Bosnian embassies..the Swiss were having a party while we were giving an exam that involved memorizing legalese)

---

Finding out that I am being discussed as a case study in classrooms, because of an experience I had at university with the administration. (Delia - if you're reading this, you probably know what I'm talking about :))

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A couple of nights ago, I was really bored, and spent alot of time on aiesec.net just going through documents and communities etc. Anyway, I tend to check the 'who's online' link alot, and everytime I did, Puneet's name would show up. After about the tenth time the same thing happened, I decided to send him an email that was titled "GO TO SLEEP"

His reply:

Saba!

It is 5:20pm currently in Toronto, Canada, 3:20am in Karachi, Pakistan

You should go to sleep!

I have to say I was sufficiently embarassed enough to decide never to do that again. I really need to start calculating time differences before I email.

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The night before that, I was about to sleep after commenting on Emad's blog that I couldn't see any of the pictures he'd posted. What followed was a twenty minute Blogging 101 conversation that involved me wondering why he started blogging in the first place since he kept calling Blogger 'un-user friendly, dumb and stupid'.

I have calculated he owes me Rs.100,000 for all the Blogger coaching.

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Trying to chat on Skype with Dhruv, who yelled 'Whatsup!' so loudly I am sure all of Gurgaon heard him. He actually thought I didn't hear him. I did - TWICE! :P

--

More stories from the house of madness later..

This time last year I was..

..recovering from the world's worst flu..I remember falling asleep in the common room and waking up to head to class..and I was thankfully allowed to leave midway, courtesy Mikaal and Sharmeen, who pointed to my red nose as a selling point.
..rediscovering myself: that I could be a completely different person everysingleday
..wondering about my AIESEC career and whether being LCP was the right role for me
..preparing for SDC, which remains to be my favorite conference ever. If anyone was to ever see the videos from that, they'd think twice about their lovely EBs' sanity =P Though those videos might resurface someday soon..
..unprepared for how drastically my life would change in the next year.

Some things never change. :)

There definitely is something mixed in the Diet Coke I've been drinking (yes, I'm an addict) I've done some pretty out-of-character things in the past couple of days..

..from telling Taha that if I knew he'd be late for our meeting, I'd have spent the time at home watching a rather inane soap opera..(at which he went into shock. I think he thought I spent my time watching National Geographic and the History channel)
..telling the most random stories at Tabinda's birthday surprise..really random..
...exchanged emails about flying monkeys..and sent a rather wicked one to the FireStarters which contained an ominously titled screenshot :P..
...crashed a PD meeting so I could take pictures of them, hard at work..
...and aided Naveen in stealing the juice and biscuits Taha was drinking/eating...(thats what happens when you don't tell LCPs the truth, TeeDee!)

Over the past two weeks, whenever someone talked to me about EB turnover, I didn't feel anything. I was rational, calm, running on autopilot mode, creating the application, talking to potential applicants, looking through documents..

..and then the OC applications for the additional positions came through. Reading the applications, feeling inspired, yet again; by the motivation of people who take on positions of responsibility, hit the message home - this is it.

The comfort zone of the identity that is created around being LCP will soon end; people will call me by my name and not 'LCP!', there will be no crazed EB meetings and shared jokes and laughter..

..I think I will save all the sentimentality for AGM, at which I predict I will cry buckets. Don't tell me 'I told you so!' I think I will also share the story of last year's AGM at the next one - which to date I have only told 4 people.

Anyway, I seem to have crazy energy levels these days, with all the random story telling and laughing insanely at the most inane of things. If an email that doesn't normally sound like me makes it way to you soon, remember, it IS me! =)

This is turning out to be an absolutely great week..

From the phonecall mentioned in the last blogpost, to getting a text message from TD telling me about a supremely cool new TN raise..

..and having some of the best conversations ever..funny, reflective, intense...this is that strange time when everyone is thinking of their next steps, and all my conversations start out on a discussion about that and evolve into a conversation about personal experiences, lives, goals and visions..

...this is a time for looking forward and looking back, simultaneously, and I can't put it down in words.

..as Alex mentioned in a comment on an earlier post:

"totally feel that re: finishing up an LCP term... it goes by so quickly... and then it's "next steps, next steps" damn... i havent even realised what my last steps were!"

And I leave you now with a picture I took at my favorite coffee shop today.


P.S: The 'Hi' cup was Sharz's, the 'Lovely' one was mine..and we thought it would be cool to combine the two into the subliminal message..

Getting a call from a TN taker - one of my favorite people to work with because their company is SO cool and they know AIESEC in and out - asking about my graduation plans, and then - 'would you like to come in for an interview?'

I've gotten plenty of job offers over the year, but this one makes me happy because an image of the BSC flashed into my head instantly: # of partners who want to recruit AIESEC alumni.

:)

This has an uninspiring week. A wholly uninspiring week.

I don't feel like doing anything at all. I feel like I have no energy at all - I feel disappointed, depressed..de-everything. All the feel-good songs in the world have made no difference either =(

Its not that I'm bored. I don't want to move on either. Typing out the words EB 07-08, as I sent out an email to the EB about election schedules, was the weirdest feeling ever. How can a year pass by so soon - when the memories of the previous one are still so vivid, that I still remember how unreal everything felt? I'm listening to the song I listened to on repeat as I finished my LCP application, on my last real vacation. (Conferences DON'T count, inasmuch as I'd like to fool myself to believe they do)

I'm not waiting on tenterhooks for something absolutely amazing to happen. I know it will. I just want something, the smallest thing, to make me smile unconditionally again.

I'm breaking through
I'm bending spoons
I'm keeping flowers in full bloom
I'm looking for answers from the great beyond.

- REM: The Great Beyond

..that will stop and ask if you're doing okay
..that will share their devious plans with you
..that will make you sit down and spend an hour or two, catching up, telling the stories of our lives
..that will pick up your phone despite the hour of the day/night
..that will remind you of the better things in life, and your favorite song
..that will be there.

Thank you =)